Talking to Children about War and Violence in the World by Maria Adela Mondelli Educators for Social Responsibility 12:09pm 17th Apr, 2003   When horror is repeated, it ceases to have an effect. When violence is repeated, "it becomes natural". Horror that does not provoke a reaction and violence that becomes ordinary threatens the well-being of people.    War is neither a video game, nor a film, nor ashow about soldiers on the Cartoon Network.War does not end with the changing of a channel or when "game over" is called. Whether witnesses or involuntary protagonists,children are without doubt the ones who are the most impacted by war.    Speaking with children about war is essential. In their early preschool years, boys and girls have difficulties differentiating between reality and fantasy; older children are still confused by television images -- "is it a film or a report?"; the older ones need information to be able to form an idea about what they are seeing... At every age, it is necessary to offer children the opportunity to process information that is difficult to understand.    It is not enough to hope that the child will ask questions, or to respond to expressions of fear they show; we must offer them truthful, and appropriate information that is age appropriate. Striking a balance between telling the truth, while not leaving them fearful, is difficult to reach, but essential to strive for. We must filter the information that they receive, but not isolate them from the reality of the time that we live in. We must show them what preoccupies their parents, and offer security to them; however, we must not invent fabrications that do not reflect reality.    Speaking to children about war does not increase their fears; on the contrary, it helps them to process information they already receive that is difficult for them to interpret. Looking for "triggers" of the subject is one way to start: drawings, games, stories, films or news reports, will be -according to the age of the boy or the girl-an excuse to speak about the subject, and to give them information that calms and addresses the fears that they declare on the matter.    Do not ignore, put down or shame them because of their fears; on the contrary, we must help children to face these fears. Give them a feeling of security by explaining to them how the structure of a country offers them tools for self-protection with respect to acts of daily violence or abuse: we can go to the police in the street, the teacher in the school, and in families. Show them that they are well-taken care of, and they will be protected from aggression. Take care of them and defend them in everyday life.    You can also accompany them in taking concrete actions that, from their perspective, will lessen the effects of the war, or will bring it to an end; this fosters a proactive,healing spirit in them and counters the feelings of powerlessness and depression that an implacable destructive force generates. Take part in antiwar marches, donate foods or clothes or toys that arrive at zones of conflict, create drawings for other children, design posters that speak of peace, use nonviolent slogans or symbols... Give them channels of expression and positivity to channel the energy coming from their fears. These are all useful activities.    The reason for speaking about war lies far from the bombs of today -- we must do so in order to accompany our sons and daughters in the times that they are called on to live in, and to instill in them the necessity of constructing peace. We must help them to appreciate differences (religious, sexual, racial, political) between people, as inherent qualities of humanity.    Teach children that identity is constructed from the individuality of each person, each family, each group, each town, each country; and the fact that we are all different is what constitutes our human identity. Help them to appreciate the difference between not sharing an opinion with another person, and respecting their right to think, to feel or to think differently from us, without this affecting the rights of either person. This viewpoint allows peaceful coexistence within the differences. Help them to find agreements capable of satisfying the different needs of different people.    Discussing how these issues arise within the family sphere, school, or groups of friends, and relating these episodes to their counterpart in the war, is a way to raise our children with education for peace and nonviolence. This is the only way to raise happy children who are not isolated from reality, and mentally healthy adults. Visit the related web page
	Next (more recent) news item
	Next (older) news item